awesome.

When the DJ announces, “This song is for all you lovers out there” for the couples dance at weddings, I sit that one out.  The last time I went to the doctor, the receptionist asked about my marital status.  I received a wedding invitation in the mail, and didn’t get a plus one.  When I bought my house, I had to check the single box.  Amusement park rides are designed for pairs, either two or four across – if you don’t fill the space, you get called out as a “single rider”.  At a recent wedding, I went out on the dance floor to catch the bouquet, and there was only one other girl out there – she was 14.  Extended family members always question why I am single, as if that isn’t a huge slap in the face.  This post is dedicated to all the awesome singles out there. 

My dear friend Annie sent me an email last week with the subject line reading “Awesome”.  There was no text in the email – just a photo was attached:

Isn’t this the truth?  I often feel like everyone I know is getting married and having babies.  It’s that season of life, mid-to-late twenties and early thirties.  But what am I doing in this season, the waiting season?  Yes, I know, I am definitely getting more awesome, there's no doubt about that.  But seriously, what are we supposed to do in this season of singleness?  This season which feels like a long, drawn out waiting period?  My married friends, although they love being married, they admit that they can’t do all the things they used to do when they were single.  They now have another half that they need to check in with before they make plans.  They can’t go on impromptu vacations, sometimes even impromptu dinners!  But since us singles have what seems like all the free time in the world, what can we do?  There are a ton of things for us do: we can obtain our masters, make headway in our careers, volunteer for the less fortunate, serve in our church, travel, start home improvement projects, read books that we said we never had time to read, find a new hobby (scrapbooking, rock climbing, yoga)… the list is endless.  Let’s not waste these days of singleness. 

A lot of my friends have a checklist of requirements they are looking for in their future mate – height requirement, career status, good looking, enjoys long walks on the beach, etc.  But who honestly knows what they need for fifty years of marriage??  Maybe we shouldn’t be making a list for the person we want to be with, but a list for ourselves.  Mark Driscoll says is best: “It seems very selfish to make a list of what someone else needs to be for you if you don’t have a detailed list for yourself and what you need to be for them.”  Typically our lists are outrageous – our standards are way too high.  It’s important to be confident, but man, we must think very highly of ourselves.  As my good friend Maribeth once said, “You can’t get a Brad Pitt if you’re not Angelina.”  We need to be realistic with our expectations – all of my married friends have told me that the person they said their vows to was not the person that they pictured they would marry.  And get this – they are incredibly happy.  Physical attraction is not everything, but it is something.  I think it's important to be attracted to the person inside and out.  As Brandon Samuel says, "It’s ok to be physically attracted to the person you’re dating.  And I’m not sure it’s ok not to be."  You are going to have to look at this person across the dinner table, day in and day out - you may want to like what you're lookin' at! (And vice versa!)

So when you meet someone, how do you know if it's someone you should invest your time and heart in?  Yes, you ultimately make the decision if you want to them, but take a moment to ask people who know you best - the people who love you and care about you.  Listen to their wisdom - they may weigh in on something that hasn't crossed your mind.  I have my go-to person that I always ask for their opinion  and advice, right Coll? :)  It's important to have the people who love you speak into your relationship.


But the truth?  It really stinks sometimes being single.  I know this from experience and countless phone calls from friends .  There's loneliness, fear, disappointment, and pain in unmet expectations.  But I know that God has an awesome plan for me, and His timing is always better.  I feel secure that He has someone for me, and for you too.  God cares about our relationships.  He wants someone for us who loves us, brings out the best in us, encourages us, strengthens us, and builds us up.  And isn't that worth waiting for??

Y'all, I'm saying these things to myself as much as I'm saying them to you.  There are plenty of singles out there – though by faith, God has it all taken care of... so let's make the best of our singleness while it's still here.


Much Love-
Anna